I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
