True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
