I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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