yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
