Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
