I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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