I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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