Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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