WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
