You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
