Please, let me fuck your mom
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
