Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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