You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
