Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
