i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
