so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
