I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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