Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
