found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
