I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
