Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
