dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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