I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
