Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
