After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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