Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
