My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
