called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
