His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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