my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize