____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
