He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize