Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize