tonight lets celebrate not being married
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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