Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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