at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
