I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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