Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
