i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
