She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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