just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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