pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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