Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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