Where did you get a picture of my penis
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
