Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
