I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Everclear isn't food dammit
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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