so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
