That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize