Ambien. No doubt about it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
