Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
