I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
