take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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