Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize