zippers are such a cool invention
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Randomize
