Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
