We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
