Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
