Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
