I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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