i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
