So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
