Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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