Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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