You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
