Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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