I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
