can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
