you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
