I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
