Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize