why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
