I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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